Lifehack - How to Ninja

So you've always wanted to be a ninja your entire life, but you live in your mom's basement, are too skinny and/or too fat, are weak as hell, have no motivation to learn any sort of matial arts, are too poor to afford the proper attire/weaponry, and any other minor setback you may have. Well, don't fret, young padawan! This is just the right lifehack for you! This sacred diagram which has been passed down from the most ancient of generations will show you how you can dress up yourself as a masterful ninja and scare your opponent from even to wanting to face your deadly (lack of) skills.